Stop the ride I want to get off...

Thursday, February 10, 2005

in the beginning...

Hmm, how to start.... I've got some big decisions to make and this seemed a good way to work through process. Better that than drive all my friends into hiding.

Finished treatment for breast cancer two weeks ago, mutilation, baldness, weight gain and BBQing. Uh I mean surgery, chemo and radiotherapy and am now on those glorious tablets - tamoxifen. All that and they can never say you're cured. Great disease, but now it's all over for now and I have to get back on the ride we call life. Which means while I am now convalescing I have to make decisions about work, should I go back full time, part time, at all? Do I owe my kids after all this stress more of my time?

Post treatment is a weird time. Everyone expects me to be elated but all I feel is depression dragging me down. Been here before I know how it feels, which is good means I can fight it. Another reason for starting this blog.... I know if I talk out how I feel I can stop the slide downwards, giving the drug I use time to pull me back again. This happened when my daughters treatments ended, then it was worse because friends we'd made in hospital had lost their babies and we had still got ours. Survivor's Guilt they call it, it is not pleasant.

So for now I need to figure out how to get back on the ride called life, and which one I want to join. Work or stay at home mum...



Post a Comment

<< Home