Stop the ride I want to get off...

Friday, June 10, 2005

altogether now... breathe...

I've been hinting for the last few weeks that something was not right in my world. It started out like this. I am worried about the breast cancer coming back, mine was an oestrogen(estrogen) fed tumour and so having ovaries means I'm still churning out the old poison. I have finished making babies, especially as letting my body flood itself with oestrogen to make one just seems plain daft. SO I go to see the OG/GYN and ask her to "take the lot out".

Now she doesn't like this idea, I'm only 37, ovaries keep your bones strong and help prevent heart disease. But she can't just take the uterus cos then they won't know what the ovaries are doing.. can I examine you? Me steels self, remembers Brighton's blogs about all those pap screenings and says sure. When was your last screening uhm uh, ok we'll do one of those.

So... fill in here.... she's scraping off her findings into a pot and says hmmmm. I say what? That shouldn't be like that but we'll send it off so no need to worry. Already I'm worrying. So off she goes back to the other room leaving me to get dressed again. When I hear uh could you get back on the bed again I think I'll take a biopsy.

Me almost passes out in panic but manages to croak in as normal a voice as possible, sure. Well let me tell you you thought that clunk click thingy they use was bad, wait till they pry open your cervix with a pair of tongs. It's like labour without the build up. Then she goes in and snip, CRAMPS. Hmm odd .. she mumbles. I'm too pale and panicky to say anything. The nurse makes me lie still, I think she thought I might faint.

Five more minutes and I'm back sitting at her desk with her. So I've ordered blood tests, full blood count, hormone levels and tumour markers. At this point my stomach has leaped into my mouth and I'm not saying a lot just getting that dazed rabbit i the headlights look about me. I'm also sending you for an ultrasound scan to check your ovaries and uterus for cysts and polyps. In my condition these are considered precursors to nasty things.

I don't quite know how I did the thanks very much, hand shake and walk to waiting area. But there the nurse sheperded me to the places I needed to go to make appointments then called my old chemo nbnurse down. Chemo destroys veins and mine are still in recovery. Claire is the only one who can access them.

Claire comes down, realises I am about to burst into tears and gets me into a private room where she throws her arms round me and hugs tight. I love my chemo nurse! Don't care about professionalism or all that rot, she was and still is an angel.

Anyways, she drew the blood and I went home and completely lost it. This is the first time I've done this since Amy was diagnosed. I have not handled this scare at all well. I have been sooo scared and negative. But I did prove something, you don't have to always think positive....

So, long story short, went for ultrasound scan on my own, was fine. Went to center parcs worried a lot, but still had fun. Finally got Hubby to say he'd come with me to the results meeting. Went to see the OB/Gyn today.

All good news, nothing to worry about... apart from the fact I'm still having periods which I shouldn't really be having. So suddenly we go from losing ovaries is bad, to well here are the options... she gave me three they ranged from do nothing to full clearout sale. I chose Option number Two, keyhole surgery to remove my ovaries and get the lining of myuterus microwaved.

Have to admit when she said this I had half a smile on my face, this image poppe dinto my head of me being rolled into a giant microwave, light going on, turntable turning... BING!

Anyways, I'm all booked in for my op and the kids think it's hilarious that I'm going to be getting a keyhole.

Must go got a friend staying, didn't want to leave those who knew worrying all weekend.

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