Something I hate about myself...

I hate a lot of things about myself. I hate that I fall into the depths of despondency as the dark days set in, I that I have to sit with a light box every day or slip into the depths. I hate the weird moods I get in when the depths are threatening. I hate the paranoia that also comes with it.

But then is that about myself of about the depression that I suffer from? So I don't hate that about myself but hate what it does to me. The depression comes with the dark days so I can blame the dark days for causing the depression and hate the dark days not myself. Hmmm

I hate that I work best to deadlines. Give me something to do with no end date and I will never get around to it. I will procrastinate my way out of doing it. Give me something to do and say I need it tomorrow and I will produce my best work and on time no matter what it takes.

I hate that I am so insecure, I am so ready to believe that someone does not like me. It makes me keep myself to myself, if I didn't force myself to go out and contact folks I would easily tuck myself away in the house and never leave. Yes, this is what I hate about myself... my insecurities.