Stop the ride I want to get off...

Monday, March 26, 2012

And so it begins again...

Everytime someone has asked me over the last eight years "All Clear?" I've replied "Nope, you don't get an Al Clear with breast cancer." and they have for the most part looked at me and shook their heads and scolded me, in a nice way, for being negative. But it's not negative it is a reality about Breast Cancer, it comes back... with a vengeance sometimes.

This is why my Consultant never signs off a young survivor until her regular mammograms kick in. Thank the gods... every single one any of you believe in and then some. I rolled upto my check up in January on my own, expecting the usual, brilliant off you go.... Mammogarm no worries into the ultrasound and screech.. Ultrasound Consultant says "I should warn you there's something there. It's very small." I'm still not worried, "But it's probably nothing hey?" I ask and he shakes his head "No it's a tumour." My response was of the four letter kind, which he agreed was an appropriate response.

And so the rollercoaster began again. The lump was 8mm, even my surgeon couldn't feel it it was so small. But I was booked in for CT scan, bone scan and blood tests. My breast care nurse/advocate is fantastic she managed to get results in fast and within a week we knew that it had not spread anywhere, I'd had the biopsy. That#'s a fun tale for another day and we knew it was cancer. I've always said the worst part is the not knowing...

On that first day I instantly stated that I wanted double mastectomy and the surgeon said it was the best thing I could do as long as I agreed to reconstruction at the same time.

So here I sit three weeks after the surgery. I'm sore, I feel like a victorian woman in the tightest corset... but I tell you what I have a tiny stomach, and matching boobs. I went for the pedicled tram flap which you can google if you want to know.I'm looking at starting chemo for the second time on 16th April, but only if I feel ready. Then I've got six lots of chemo over the next 15 odd weeks, blood counts permitting. Yes I'll be bald again, no I WILL NOT gain a tonne of weight again... I refuse I'm not ruining this fantastic work my plastic surgeon has done. And when it's all over I'm going to Disneyworld and Harry Potter World in Florida dammit!

Cancer you're not winning again... bugger off!


Blogger Michelle said...

Oh Noonie!! You are so inspiring! I'm so sorry you are facing this again and for all you've been through. I am praying.

I can't wait to see your post about your amazing time in Disney and at Harry Potter world when you are all better!!

2:17 pm  

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